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Nov. 19th, 2009 | 12:57 am

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Lies and Redemption

Jan. 4th, 2009 | 01:00 pm
location: With my Bongie
mood: lethargic lethargic
music: Big Bang- Dirty Cash

Title: Lies and Redemption
Pairings: BaeRi, ToDae, GDxfiction character
Rating: R overall, starts off pg-13ish but theres alot of angst and dark tones in this one ladies and gents so to keep my butt out of the fire ^^ not to mention smex later on.
Genre: fluff, angst, smex, basically everything goes.
A/N: The guys are supposively taking a break. Well I'm making the break a month long to set the story up. And I love the BB mama's. Dont think otherwise! They gave us our men and I dont think they know how grateful we are to them. Oh when theres a double space between paragraphs that means the POV changed.

Summary: Youngbae has been keeping a dark secret from the rest of the guys that only YG knew about. However, in a twist of fate that secret comes to light and changes his world. Is it for the better? Is it for the worst?

Chapter 1 Lies Come to Light

“Ok Youngbae. Yes we’re so sorry you couldn’t talk to her again. Ok, well you work hard dear and say hi to Jiyong for us. Yes. Good night.” The phone was lightly placed onto the receiver and it was an innocent move to anyone else. It was the sound of pain and punishment for me. I knew the beating I was about to get, it was nothing new. However, my body began to tremble and I immediately crawled into the corner, curling up into a ball. I knew it was going to be bad. Youngbae asked for me again and they were always bad after that. He must know what they do and purposely asks.
The steps stopped outside my door and I quickly put a mask of indifference on my face and close my eyes. The door opens and I feel the person walk across the room. “Your brother is working his ass off and all you can do is hide in here you snot nosed bitch. You good for nothing snot nosed bitch. You good for nothing wretched snot nosed bitch.” With the first hit my head hit the wall and quickly everything went black.
I woke up to hushed voices and bright lights. Slowly my eyes adjust to the light and I realize that I’m in a hospital room. The beep of the machines, the drip of the i.v; what the hell is going on? Why am I here? I slowly sit up clutching at my head and look around in fear. Where are my parents? The nurse and doctor immediately stopped talking and looked at me with apprehension. ‘Oh god what did my parents say to them?’
Slowly they walked up to me and immediately I closed my eyes and curl up in a ball, expecting blows to come raining down upon me. Instead arms wrap around me in comfort. At first I squirm, not being acclimated with this type of treatment, let alone human contact that isn’t violent. My entire body shook in fear, trembling from not being held in years. The person let go noticing my discomfort and I opened my eyes looking in fear at the nurse and doctor. The doctor cleared his throat and looked at me calmly. “Miyoung, do you know why you are here?” I shook my head in bewilderment. “My parents didn’t bring me? They don’t allow me out of my room without their consent. Please tell me they gave their consent.”
I began to ramble in nervousness. The doctor could tell I was frightened. The nurse made a slight noise and I immediately shut up fearing retribution for my actions. The doctor became soft. “Young lady, when you came in, you were caked in blood from the wound on your head and covered from head to foot in bruises. Your father had come home drunk and well…” He paused for a minute and my breath seemed to freeze in my chest. “Well Miyoung, your mother was killed and your father committed suicide with a gun.” Everything froze and suddenly it was all too much for me. I couldn’t breathe and yet again I felt consciousness slipping from my grasp again.
I woke up to an oxygen mask around my face and the beeping of the machines. ‘Their dead.’ I thought as I slowly sat up and removed the mask. My mind fixated on this. Yet, I felt nothing. ‘Should I cry for their passing or should I not?’ Emotions were considered useless to me long ago. ‘What’s going to happen to me? I was home schooled and only finished the high school level. How will I live now?’ And just as I finished that thought, the doctor walked back in.
He looked at me and I looked back at him with apprehension. He sighed. “Miyoung we’ve looked over all your tests, and unfortunately we cannot keep you here much longer. We’ve contacted your,” He looked down at the papers he was holding. “Ah your brother Young…” “No.” The doctor looked up in surprise. “Excuse me?” “I said no. He probably knew what the hell they were doing and didn’t do anything to stop it. He just left me there and went to do his stupid music. So no.” The doctor looked lost and I almost felt a twinge in my chest. ‘Sympathy? No, remorse? No. Regret? I, I don’t know.’ The silence stretched between us until the lunch person came in with a tray for me. While the man was setting up, my doctor turned to go out but stopped short of the doorway. “Unfortunately it isn’t a choice for you. We’ve already contacted him and explained. He will be here tomorrow.” With that, he left me to my food…and my thoughts.

I watch Jiyong flop onto the couch and laugh as Daesung sits on his belly. Limbs go flying and a loud thump is heard as I walk into the kitchen. I let out a soft laugh and look over at the fridge to see that someone already beat me to it. I lean against the table and watch the maknae attempt to scavenge for a meal. “Ahem.” I clear my throat and watch Seungri jump, hitting his head on the top of fridge. “God damn it hyu..,” he exclaimed as he turned around. “Youngbae why’d you do that? I’m going to have a big bump on my head now,” he pouted.
I laughed. “Aww does baby want me to kiss and make it batter?” The mood drastically changed as soon as the words left my mouth. Seungri’s face completely melted from cute and sweet to sexy and seductive. Slowly Seungri walked towards me and physically I didn’t react, well I didn’t move would be the more appropriate word choice. A spark lit up behind my eyes and a wave of anticipation rushed down my body. Seungri stopped right before me, nose touching nose.
I licked my lips in anticipation, touching both my and his lips. I saw him tremble and closed the gap between us, softly kissing him. Seungri leaned into me, running his hands up my chest and wrapping his arms around my neck. I pulled him flush against me, my tongue begging entrance into his mouth. He moaned lightly and the sound of it just drove me wild. I couldn’t help but pry his lips apart and completely ravage his mouth.
“Guys you have a room for a reason, damn.” We broke apart immediately, both panting from a serious lack of air. I immediately hid my face, completely red from embarrassment. Seungri sighed and looked over at Jiyong, who had decided to ruin the moment for a bottle of water. “Dammit Bongie. It was just getting good.” Jiyong scoffed as he closed the fridge door. “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t feel like seeing my two best friends go at it where I like to eat.” Seungri’s voice changed. “Ji, you ok?” I immediately looked up in concern at him.
His shoulders were slumped, face completely hollow; drastically different from the Jiyong we brought home 20 minutes ago. “I’m fine. Leave me alone,” he muttered walking past us and out of the room. “Bae,” Seungri turned his attention to me, only to see my eyes still watching the doorway that Jiyong disappeared through. He sighed before saying, “Go see what is going on in that strange head of his. We’re finally going to have some time off and I don’t want him around here in a constant state of moping.” I sigh in response before giving him a quick kiss. “I’ll make it up to you, ok?” He nodded and stepped away. I braced myself and left the kitchen heading to the one place Jiyong always went to think; the balcony.
I slid open the glass door and was greeted by a blast of cool air. My eyes adjusted to the soft glow of the neon lights of the city. I didn’t even have to glance to my left to know that he was there. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, looking out over Seoul. It didn’t take long. “Bae I’m so sick of it.” I sighed. “You got dumped again. Why this time?” He laughed at my question before answering sarcastically, “I wasn’t acting gangster and bad boy enough like she thought I really was.” I took a deep breath. “Ji…” “I know Youngbae. I know. I just thought this one was finally going to be it. Guess I’m not meant to have someone.”
I looked over at him. He was curled up in his corner, his knees pulled up to his chest, head propped up by the doorway. I went and sat down next to him, throwing my arm around his shoulders and hugging him close. Jiyong welcomed the embrace and relaxed in my arms. “Sometimes Ji, things just aren’t meant to be. Just be patient and know that were all here for you. We might not be lovers but we are brothers. Ok, Ji?” A small nod of the head and I knew he got the message. ‘Now if only he wouldn’t give up on relationships then we would be in a good position.’
I got up and dusted myself off. “Come inside before you catch a cold. Last thing we need is you being a snotty mess. Then we’re all screwed.” He laughed a little and stood up stretching. “I’ll come inside in a little while. I just need a minute to myself.” I nodded completely understanding. I opened the door and walked back into the living room. The t.v is on and Daesung is watching Doraemon like usual. He waves and I smile going back to the kitchen to see if Seungri is still there. He isn’t but I see TOP attempting to put himself into an ice cream coma. “Hyung you keep eating like that and your going to get fat. Your almost as bad as Ri.” TOP stopped for a second and smirked before replying, “But you keep Ri nice and fit don’t you?” I sputtered in indignation before thinking of a response. “At least he has no problem keeping us both fit.” I walked out of the room laughing as the tables turned and TOP was the one left speechless.
Still laughing to myself I walked into my room and saw Seungri on my bed with his headphones on, kind of dozing off. I closed the door and walked over, poking him in the side. He jumped in surprise, his eyes opening wide and scanning the room. They landed on me and closed again. “Aish. You scared me to death.” “Mianhe Seungri. I just thought you would be more comfortable sleeping in something other than jeans.” Seungri looked down and blushed. He was still in the same clothes from earlier.
He took off his headphones and threw out his arms for me to help him up. Without hesitation, I grabbed his hands and pulled him up. He gave me a quick kiss and went to grab clothes. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and changed into just those. I threw my clothes into the hamper and flopped onto my bed, letting out a sigh of contentment as I relax. Seungri slowly walked into the room, yawning as he turned off the lights. I quickly pull back the covers and he climbs in next to me, snuggling up to my side. I kiss the top of his head and we both slowly fell asleep.
The next day dawned and I woke up completely enveloped in warmth. I snuggled into Seungri even more and sighed happily. “I think I want to stay like this all day today.” I felt Seungri shake and knew he was awake. “Well Bae, we don’t exactly have to get out of bed today. We are officially on vacation.” Seungri rolled over in my arms so we were face to face. I moved the hair from his face and kissed the tip of his nose. His face scrunched up and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Just as I go to kiss him again, my cell phone starts ringing on the table next to the bed. I groaned in annoyance and Seungri rolled over, throwing the pillow over his head. “Yoboseyo?” “Annyaseo? Dong Youngbae-sshi?” “Yes, this is him.” “I’m Doctor Choi Dong-Wook. I’m calling from the In’cheon Medical Hospital. I have a young patient here by the name of Dong Miyoung. This is your sister, am I correct?” My heart immediately sank into my stomach. “Oh god. Is she ok? Is she hurt? Where are my parents? What happened?” I started panicking and Seungri immediately sat up and was holding onto me from behind. He could feel the worry and fear coming off of me in waves.
“Sir. Please remain calm. Your sister has no serious injuries and is only under our care for observation. However, there is a situation regarding your parents.” By this point I was relieved that I was still in bed because my body was shaking so badly that the bed was vibrating causing Seungri to put his hands on my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down. “Sir I’m very sorry to have to tell you this. Your father became violent and turned a gun upon your mother before turning it upon himself. Neighbors heard the shots and called the police. By the time they got there, it was too late.” The phone dropped from my hand and landed on the bed. “Bae? Youngbae? Hyung?” I couldn’t concentrate. Just like that my parents were gone.
“Yes sir, I understand. Kamsahamnida. Anyong-hi kaseyo.” I heard Seungri hang up the phone but it was like my entire body was frozen. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. I didn’t even realize Seungri was shaking me, calling out my name. I felt someone grab my head and force me to look up. Jiyong. “Youngbae. Youngbae talk to us. What’s going on?” I finally blink and snap out of my shock. My vision immediately went blurry as the reality set in and the tears began to fall slowly. “Ji, Ri; Their gone. Oh my god their gone.” I broke down in tears, not being able to say more. Within a ten minute period my life was turned upside down and I had become an orphan. ‘I’m all alone now. What am I suppose to do? What is going to happen?’
Jiyong turned to Seungri who stood by the front of the bed not knowing what to do. “Ri? Ri?” There was no response. “Lee Seunghyun!” Seungri shook himself out of it. At that point Daesung and TOP ran into the room. Before they could even speak, Jiyong asked again. “Seungri what happened?” However Seungri only shook his head. “All I know is the phone rang as we were laying in bed. He answered it, something about his sister, then he went all comatose on me. I talked to the doctor and Bae or someone has to pick her up tomorrow from In’cheon Medical Hospital.” “J-J-Ji,” I managed to croak out. “Youngbae.” Seungri and Jiyong rushed to my side. “He killed her Ji. He drank again. But h-he went too far. God.” I sat up and rested my head on my knees, trying to gain control of my breathing. “Jiyong he shot mom and then turned it on himself. Then they found my sister unconscious.” Jiyong’s legs gave out and he slowly sank to his knees.
Seungri crawled up on the bed and hugged me from behind. “Youngbae since when did you have a sister?” Even Jiyong looked up at this. TOP noticed his confused face. “Jiyong you didn’t know he had a sister?” Jiyong shook his head and let it hang down in his hands. “Ji, you’re my best friend in the entire world but I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone. You don’t know.” I gave Seungri’s hands a squeeze and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Why? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “They would have killed her if I told anyone!” I shouted surprising everyone in the room. Silence reigned for a minute as everyone digested the horrifying information that finally came to light. “Who does that to their kids?” Daesung whispered. “Selfish greedy people who would have killed her if I didn’t do this and join YG. My sister thinks I abandoned her. We haven’t been allowed to see each other since I left with Ji and joined YG 10 years ago. I thought if I made enough money then I could save her and run away.”
Daesung left TOP’s side and sat down on the bed. “Youngbae. Your saying that you haven’t talked or seen your sister in 10 years?” I sighed and nodded my head, leaning back into Seungri’s arms for comfort. “Baby, the doctor said that you have to pick her up tomorrow,” Seungri said lightly from behind me and hugged me tighter. “Guys can I just be alone with Ri right now?” “Of course Youngbae. Call us if you need us.” One by one they left. However, Jiyong hesitated as he reached the door. “Jiyong, Don’t worry. I’ll explain everything to you later. I promise ok?” He nodded and walked out of the room, closing the door lightly behind him.
Immediately I buried my head in Seungri’s chest and held onto his shirt. His arms came around me and held me tight. To calm me down, he rubbed my back lightly. “Ri, baby, what the hell am I going to do?” I asked him, my voice muffled. “I don’t know Bae Bae. But we have to go tomorrow.” “Where is she going to stay?” Seungri thought for a minute before coming up with a solution. “Dude she can come stay here. I could move in here and she can have my room. I practically live in here anyway so why not?” I thought about it for a minute. ‘It could work. We could finally have some privacy without having to sneak around. And my sister could have her own space until she gets used to things.’ “I guess it will work. We should start moving your stuff then.” Seungri smiled and kissed my cheek before hopping off the bed, and running out of the room. I sighed and flopped back down. “I just hope everything works out okay.”
The last of Seungri’s clothes were tucked away and all five of us flopped into the living room. It was already 6pm and none of us wanted to cook, especially due to the events of the day. I got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the take out menu’s. I laid back down on the couch and rested my head in Seungri’s lap. His hand instinctively went to my head, slowly massaging my scalp. “What do you guys want to eat?” “don’t care.” “Pizza.” “Chinese.” “Sushi.” “Top you gotta pick one of those three.” Jiyong immediately went into full blown puppy mode and pouted at TOP. “I don’t want sushi and we just, sorry Dae, had Chinese last week. Go with pizza.” Jiyong let out a whoop of victory and tackled TOP hugging him. Daesung pouted and I laughed.
I grabbed the phone and told them to be quiet for a minute. Jiyong was still in his victory mode and only shut up after I threatened to not order at all. After I got off the phone, I mentioned for Jiyong to follow me into the kitchen. His face went from fake cheer to genuine concern and seriousness. He knew exactly what I was going to talk to him about. Of course my fear and insecurity was shining through me. I was nervous. This was my best friend in the entire world that I was about to confront about a part of my life that I really never told anyone about, except YG.
Jiyong could tell how I was feeling because he didn’t immediately hound me for answers like usual. Instead he just hopped up on the counter and waited. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “It started when I was 12. My parents didn’t want two kids in the first place,” I started. “I was the more fortunate being a boy, and being born first. I was instantly favored and they treated me like a king. My sister was a different story. I… I tried my hardest to tell my parents to stop it. God Ji, the shit she’s been through. I wouldn’t be surprised if she hates me.” I took a deep breath trying to gain control of myself. “But Youngbae, it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid. What could you have really done that would have made a difference?” I scoffed. “I could have done something.” “And have your parents kill you both? I think not.” I sighed and shook my head. “I did the only thing I thought I could to try to help her, to save her some pain. My parents said that if I got into YG then they would stop abusing her.” I walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, putting my head in my hands.
“Ji, it only got worse on her and its all my fault.” I heard Jiyong hop down from the counter and sit down next to me. “Youngbae, why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me?” “I didn’t want to cause her any harm. I didn’t want to burden anyone either. Especially you. You’re my first true friend. I just thought you had enough on your plate with the band and everything.” Jiyong sighed and I immediately felt so guilty for never telling him. “Youngbae, how many times have I told you. No matter what time it is, no matter how busy I am. If you have a problem, or you just want to vent, come to me. I’m not angry and, yes I’m reading your mind, there’s no need to feel bad for never telling me.”
We sat there in silence for a couple minutes and I felt so much better. I wasn’t alone anymore. There was so much pressure taken away. I looked at Jiyong. He gave me that soft smile, that reassuring smirk where I knew we were okay. I smiled back. The doorbell rang and Jiyong stood up stretching. “We’ll make it through this Bae. Just don’t forget who you are and that there is one guy in this house who is willing to give up everything and anything for you. Lean on him a little if you need to. Stop taking on everything by yourself.” With that he walked out and my mind turned to Seungri.
Seungri. The name alone just sent so many emotions running through my mind. Attraction. ‘Well, who wouldn’t be attracted to him.’ His dark eyes that easily mirror his emotions, those soft pouty lips, his smooth lithe body. ‘That’s not why I love him though,’ I thought as I sat on the couch next to him and ate. ‘His personality. Thoughtful, funny, seductive, romantic, cute, hardworking, and stubborn as a bull.’ Jiyong’s words ran through my mind as we finished dinner and headed back to our rooms. Seungri and I walked down the hall together and I interlaced my fingers with his. Seungri smiled and squeezed my hand. We walked into our room and I closed the door.
“Are you okay Youngbae?” I nodded and sat down on the bed. “I guess you listened to when I was talking to Ji.” Seungri stopped walking for a second and scratched the back of his head, nodding sheepishly. I laughed and got up, hugging him from behind. “It’s ok Ri. I feel better now that I’m not hiding anything from you. You’re not mad at me are you?” Seungri turned around and kissed me deeply, stealing my breath away. He slowly ended it and I just stood there, breathless. “Does that answer you Bae?” I nodded understanding and watched him change and hop into bed. “You gonna stand there all night or are you going to change and join me?” I shook my head and undressed, sliding back the sheets. Immediately Seungri’s arm came around me and I relaxed into his arms. “Everything’s going to be alright Youngbae. I love you and don’t forget that ok?” His arms tightened around me and I tried to sink into the comfort of his arms even more. “Ri, I love you.” And slowly my eyelids began to droop and before I knew it, I was dead to the world, my worries taken with me into my dreams.

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Itunes Drabbles

Jul. 11th, 2008 | 11:25 pm
location: GD's Heart
mood: complacent complacent
music: Taeyang- Look only at me

Baby Bash Featuring Frankie J- Suga Suga

Sometimes I wonder how a single person could make such a difference in one person’s life. But he’s just different. Maybe it’s his attitude, maybe it’s just his look. But he just takes my stomach and makes it so fluttery that I feel like I’m high. Something that cannot be explained. I’m confused. Why him? A mere mention of his name and I get jittery and look to see if he’s really there.
Two years he’s been by my side through thick and thin, always asking always questioning me. If I’m happy he joins in. If I’m sad he tries to cheer me up. I’ve seen him grown up into a man and I just can’t help but stare at him. He looks so strong and breathtaking that I cannot believe I have kept my want for him secret for so long. Is it so wrong to want or think of him in that way? He may know, he may not, but he’s still by my side and maybe that’s why I love our little maknae.

Se7en- The One

Of course, the one time we have an argument in the band, I am the one that left for the first time. No one expects the maknae to loose his cool and actually leave. Why? Why does he have to kiss a girl for a TV show? Why in all god’s name did I have to lose my cool over it? It’s just a stupid kiss. But that ugly head of jealousy decided to make itself known in my heart and I opened my mouth before it could be stopped. “What are they going to make you make out with some girl for publicity? Cause some controversy that would be great fucking attention to the band right before the new cd?” Of course he gave me a confused look, and I immediately ran out the door.
Standing here in the rain, leaning against a railing, I look out onto the river. Letting the rain soak me, I silently cry, knowing that they would all hate me because my secret was pretty much all but out in the open. I love him. That is why jealousy took me over for a second.
All of a sudden the rain stops hitting me but keeps falling; I know why, but I don’t want to see who’s holding that umbrella. “You know maknae if you wanted to kiss me so badly all you had to do is say something.” I let out a chuckle, most if which is covered up by my broken voice. “Please don’t hate me.” A sigh is heard before the umbrella is dropped and arms wrap around me, a head resting on my shoulder. “I could never hate you maknae. You’re the only one I could never hate.” I smile and lean into those arms. “I couldn’t be mad at you even if I tried Jiyongie.”

Paramore- Crushcrushcrush

“Jiyong what are you doing,” is the first thing that comes out of my mouth when I enter the apartment. “I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago.” “What do you mean? Where are the others?” Jiyong smiled at me before answering, “They left. They know exactly what you and I have been feeling towards each other. Don’t deny it. Youngbae told me everything.” Hearing all of this from his mouth makes me so weak kneed that I can’t believe I’m still standing. Of course it doesn’t help that I’m pushed up against the wall, his body pinning me up. “So let’s do something about this little crush we both have on each other Seungri.” “W-what do you suggest?” That’s when he smiled and crushed his lips against mine.

Dir en Grey- The Pledge, acoustic version

“You promised to be here. You told me you would never leave. Why? Why did you lie? I hate you. But I hate you because I loved you. You were everything to me Seungri. You never listed to us, saying you weren’t a child. Always laughed it off and went on your merry way. But why couldn’t you just listen to me for once? I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Please, just, god Seungri please come back to me. I can’t take it being separated from you this long.”
The last we saw his smiling face was getting on his motorcycle to go get us some food. Two hours went by and we got the phone call. We lost him forever. Never again would we hear his voice to tell us to stop babying him. All because we wanted food late at night and a drunk driver decided he needed more beer.

Big Bang- We Belong Together

They all screamed when we would hug or fake kiss each other. They loved the pictures that we took together. It was always him hanging on me. I don’t know why. Maybe they wanted to keep my profile as the so called innocent one. So that’s what I did for everyone. I thought it was all just a big joke.
“Jiyongie want something to eat?” I ask stepping into his room, to find him staring at something. Me. “Hyung? Earth to hyung.” I walk up to his bed and he’s turned his stare up to the ceiling. “What’s wrong?” A sigh escapes him but no reply. I lay across his bed settling my head on his stomach. Fingers slowly run through my hair and dinner is suddenly the last thing on my mind. We lay there in silence for a while until I sigh in contentment and rub my cheek against him, trying to get more comfortable and turning on my side. I look up and see him staring at me in return. We both smile at each other and just lay there, until we both fall asleep. We belong together huh hyung?

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Otakon and Birthday madness!!!!

Aug. 10th, 2006 | 05:22 pm
location: Gackts Bed (lol jk)
mood: indifferent indifferent
music: Hyde Countdown

Wow ok alot has been happening. First off, I'm 18 today! Yey. I'm happy my parents let me live this long lol. In about an hour I'm going to the state fair as a birthday present from my friend. My parents got me a sword which is really awesome looking. My brother, well I don't know if he got me anything because he's at work right now. Then again if he didn't then thats okay. I always play his video games and read his new manga. So it's all good. My oldest brother has his wife and bills to worry about. So I was happy enough with the phone call he gave me saying happy birthday and all. My grandma gave me $86. My other grandmother gave me $50. Not bad at all I must say.
Now to explain what I mean about busy. Well I don't know if anyone went this past weekend, but Otakon just passed. Its held in Baltimore, MD. I don't think I have ever seen that many people. Let me start with Thursday because that was the first day that we were down there. We left from Newton, NJ at around 9:30 in the morning. Let me tell you that was pretty rough getting up that early. Definately wasn't fun. But 6 of us packed into this one small van that someones dad borrowed. Believe me it was a little cramped but we managed it okay I guess. The trip to get to our hotel took about 4-5 hours. Of course we stopped about halfway to stretch. If anyone has ever been on a lon g road trip then you know the feeling. Anyway, we finally reached the hotel and found our rooms. They were pretty big too. I had to share with two other girls but it wasnt that bad. So we got situated and we wanted to go to the inner harbor where the event was being held. Since it was Thursday, you can pick up your passes the day before. So we took a shuttle that the hotel has and went to the light rail station. Its kind of like the subway but just above ground thats all. It took about 15-20 minutes to get from our stop to the convention center. So we get off the train and I think there are only two words to describe what the line looked like to get the passes.
Holy crap was all that came to mind. There had to be at least 5000 people online waiting for the pass pickup to begin. So we decided, umm we arent going to wait there. So we went on our way to find food. We walked about two blocks down where the docks were. That was where all the food places were. So we ate and decided we wanted to wait a little more to get our passes. So we went to the aquarium. Man that place was amazing. I think my favorite was the blue frogs. Those things were so cool looking. Of course the thing I like the most has to be the deadliest animal in the world. I laughed at that. So we spent about two hours there. It was a couple floors and a whole nother building that connected with a skywalk kind of thing. So at 7 we decided to see how bad the line was to get t6he passes early. It wasnt that bad and it moved suprisingly quick.
In about 20 minutes we were in the convention center which had another two lines that split off. I'm in my line and as we are walking around I think my heart stopped. Because I didnt want to get kicked out I didnt do anything but I really wanted to. He had to be the cutest little asian that I have ever seen. He looked my age too. *sigh* Oh well. We got our passes finally. I got the Saiyuki pass. They had a couple others but Saiyuki was my favorite out of the ones offered. We got back to the hotel and I knew we were gonna have to wake up early so I tried to go to sleep at 11. Wake up at 6. A good 7 hours of sleep right? Wrong. Kim and Jenn broke the rules be keeping Brandon in the room until 430 in the damn morning. Which means I didnt get to sleep until 430 in the morning. You can imagine how angry I was.
So that concludes what happened the first day we got to Baltimore for Otakon. This is alot so I think I'll explain each day by itself. So much happened that this would be chapters before I would be done. And I'm running out of time. Gotta go celebrate.

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Getting Rid Of High School Trash

Jun. 13th, 2006 | 08:27 pm
mood: indescribable
music: Dir en Grey- Child Prey

Well, it's finally the end of the year and now all we have are our goodbyes. High school is finally finished. 4 years of hell and crowded hallways, teenage angst, and all the drama. Yet I can't help it if I feel anxious about leaving. After so many years of having a regulated schedule, I don't know. I kind of feel helpless. It was conforting that you got up and did the same thing everyday. If you look at it from that perspective, then I guess it seems like a monotone way of life huh? But think about it. You go to class. You always have something to do. You don't exactly have time to get bored cause either your at school doing work or you are at home eating and going to sleep. But now there is college. You don't have class everyday so you can't lose track of what day it is or you are completely thrown off. I guess it's just scary to think about, thats all.
Saturday is graduation. Friday is graduation practice and the senior breakfast. Thats when the seniors get free breakfast and we have time to sign each others year books. Thursday I have graduation practice and I get my car. (Pontiac Grand AM GT) Then as soon as I have my car, I have the dinner and senior awards thing to go to. Tomorrow is the first graduation practice though. My brother is pissed because I have to borrow his car again. Well SORRY that I don't have mine yet. Jeez what a jerk. Not my fault that the practice for some odd reason takes place after school. We finally get our caps and gowns then. I think I'll die. Then we start getting in order I guess. You know, shortest to tallest. My parents are laughing at me and think I'll be in the front. I'M NOT THAT SHORT!!! 5'4 is a very respectable height thank you very much. I'll probably be in the middle and smite their little noses off. That'll show them not to make fun of me. I guess now it's just counting down the hours and minutes until then.
But on top of practice tomorrow, I have my last exam. And of course it has to be the most dreaded subject of any high school student....yep you guessed it....MATH. That terrible four lettered word strikes fear into the very soul of humanity (or at least me) My worst subject that I never seem to get higher then a C. After that exam I shall throw down my calculator and exclaim to the world, "I DOTH DESTEST THEE!!!" Well....I'm not really gonna throw down my calculator. I'm gonna need it in the future. Besides it's one of those really expensive ones. So I don't think it's a good idea.
I guess I'm done rambling now. Whew. Feels good to get that out of me.

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(no subject)

Apr. 13th, 2006 | 10:12 pm
mood: weird weird
music: Miyavi- Pop is Dead

Ok I finally got my license. Now that is out of the way, I desperately need a job. *cries*
Oh since I hear rumors flying all over the place about something, I would like to clarify it here, if anybody stumbles upon this. The whole Dir En Grey thing. Yes they just recently played at a couple spots in America. Unfortunately I couldn't get tickets to see them in New York. Now here comes the good part. It is NOT official that they will be playing at Otakon in Baltimore this August. My friend is currently in contact with a representative from Otakon getting information about this. Apparently their agent is being an ass about the whole thing. So everything is still up in the air and talks are getting nowhere which angers me. Don't they see how fast their tickets sold out? I would think that this was a good thing and that they have a ton of fans here. All the more reason to come here and perform. You would not only make your fans happy, but you would raise awareness for the band itself. More people knowing equals more people buying their stuff. But apparently their agent is an asshole who hates the american people *catches breath and cools down* Man I really needed to vent that out.
I keep reading other peoples fanfics and I myself have written a couple. But I'm not sure if they would be up to par with other people's writing. I'm great at getting ideas but sometimes my scenes just don't flow and my smut is disgraceful. I think I've my creative writing teacher had a heart attack with some of the stories I have handed in. Thank god she never sensors us and allows us to use any type of language we want. Alas the troubles of trying to write (and failing horribly)

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(no subject)

Apr. 3rd, 2006 | 05:04 pm
mood: excited excited
music: L'Arc en Ciel- Coming Closer

Ok. I cannot be anymore hyper, excited, or whatever. I got Kingdom Hearts 2 and just finished beating it. Not to give anything away. All I have to say is this....WHY THE HELL IS ROXAS SO DAMN HOT!!!? Seriously, if only guys looked like that and would actually pay attention to normal people, life would be good. Really. It would. Also, there really is no need for summons in the game. I never used them even once. (yes I played it on the hardest difficulty so don't even try to discredit me) The fricking Valor form and Final form is amazing. Those were what I used for the entire game. I altogether loved the game to death.
Now, I'm all into the yaoi scene and I know I'm not the only one. But my friend pointed this one little thing out to me at lunch today. When I actually thought about it, I agreed and was amazed that I never caught it before. Did anyone else pick up on the undertone of the Roxas-Axel relationship? When they showed the memory of Roxas leaving and saying that no one would miss him and Axel saying in a really sad way (that made me want to snuggle him) that he would? Hmm think again kiddies! I think there was something else going on there. But hey *raises arms defensively* I'm not gonna say anything else about it. Hehehe
Lastly, hopefully by this time tomorrow I will be a licensed driver of New Jersey. No I'm not all happy and yey about the New Jersey part. I can't believe I'm getting my license finally. My brother out of all people has been helping me out and is picking me up from motor vehicle. Then I get to go to his college because he has a class. So I get to hang out and walk around for a little while. AH I can't wait.

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(no subject)

Mar. 27th, 2006 | 05:25 pm
mood: drained drained
music: Gackt- Birdcage

*sigh* I love how I am the person who does the most in my house and I get nothing in return. The road is practically layed out for my brother. He's 20. The kid has no clue how good he has it. My parents bought him now, 2 cars. He only has to pay 300 for insurance which is actually 1200. The only thing he has to pay for in college is books. His tuition is payed for by my parents like everything else in his life. Now that I am about to get my license, they refuse to get me a car until I get a job. Now I'm not making excuses or anything, but that is easier said then done. I live in an area of New Jersey where the cows outnumber the people 2 to 1. The nearest town is about 7 miles away and I have no way to get there. Even if I could get there, there are no jobs open right now. So what the hell am I supposed to do? Someone explain what the hell I am supposed to do because I'm fricking clueless. I start college in a couple months. I just found out that even though I have a 3.45 overall average, my parents refuse to pay for my first two years of college. I'm going to the same place which is the community college so they can't even say that it is because it is more money. My brother barely scraped together a 2.75 during his high school years. Why am I the one getting punished? Why are they making it so hard for me to start my life after high school?

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(no subject)

Mar. 26th, 2006 | 04:10 pm
mood: aggravated aggravated
music: Ellegarden- Monster

Okay yey! Finally my first post. The background is iffy but I'll work on it when I have more time. Ok the main reason I'm doing this is to complain about everything that I feel like doing and to gush like a fangirl if I want to. This will be my own personal happy space. If you don't like it, then just leave and don't leave a stupid comment saying I'm an emo kid or something unintelligent of that nature. If you have felt the same about a certain subject, thats great. Seeing as how I'm 17 I can't have been through more things than everyone else has been through.
Onward with the opening.
Is anyone else into DoC? If you don't know what that is then I take that as a no. My friend keeps saying that I am one-sided about the game because Gackt is a character in it. I just happen to be a little obssessed with the man(to the point it's unhealthy) But he believes that the game will suck because of this and he is basing his conclusion off the reviews it got in Japan.
Now on my side of the arguement is that you cannot comment on the damn game until you play it. I consider it hypocritical to do so. Thats like saying you hate a certain food even though you have never tried it. As for the reviews in Japan. We are two completely different countries. Our consumers might not be exactly like Japan. They might like different genres of games than we do. They didn't expect and of the Final Fantasy's to be a big hit here but they exploded onto the US markets and took us by storm. So just because the game is incorporating new technology, and they are using Gackt as a character, doesn't necessarily mean that the game will suck.
Also one of the main reasons that Gackt is in it is because A.)He just happened to fit the character profile and was not doing any promotions or music at the moment...and B.)He does the theme song Redemption for it.
So to everyone who is dreading the game coming out..stop running your mouths until you play it. Then I can respect your opinion on the matter. When I play it, if it sucks then I will admit it even if Gackt is in it.

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